Friday, January 29, 2010

Speaking to My Heart

Ever since I became a Christian, I have heard people say phrases like "God put it on my heart", "God spoke to me", "I felt God's calling...". Hearing those phrases always confused me. As a Christian, shouldn't I be hearing things too?

Then a couple of years ago I had an experience that I could only explain as God speaking to my heart. The details have the makings of their own blog post, but I'll give you 411 quickly. I was sitting in church. I felt a "knowing", for lack of a better word, that I was supposed to have another child, I should name him David and he will do great things. Whoa!

Umm. Pardon me, but I think that thought might have been meant for the person next to me.

In case you are wondering if one of my kids is this blessed child that I was supposed to have, let me burst your bubble and set the record straight now. I said no. Well, my husband and I collectively said no. Heck no. Not convenient. Not happening. Our second child cried almost her entire first year of life and besides, we are done with bottles!. Snip, snip (get it?).

I said no to God, the ONE time in my life I heard him talk to me. What a jerk!

I'd be lying to you right now if I told you that I regretted my decision. I haven't been tortured by feelings of regret or sadness of not having more kids. But much like the "knowing" I had in church a few years ago, I live with a "knowing" that I am missing out on a blessing. As hard as it would have been to have another child, I "know" that my life would be even more complete if I had followed God's will. It doesn't feel possible, but I "know" it. My loss, for sure.

In the two years since this happened, I haven't heard any big messages from God. Okay, so I likely haven't been listening as much as I could. But I do pray and I do like to think that the lines of communication are open, even if a little fuzzy.

But God likes to give people second chances. And I got one.

No, I'm not pregnant. Nor will I ever be (snip, snip).

The life that I've been called to help is that of a 12 yr old girl. Actually, two girls - 7 and 12. These two girls live on my street. Their mom walked out on them a few years ago. Just walked out and left them (and their brother, whom I don't know) with their dad and grandparents. And then, about a year later, grandma left. Then Grandpa. So these girls live with their dad, their brother and their uncle.

Imagine, my female friends. Being 12 yrs old and not having a mom or any "maternal" fill ins. Let that sit with you for a minute.

My heart breaks for these girls. I see the pain in their eyes when they watch my kids interact with me. I've felt ache in my heart for them for months. Then the other day, while watching them play at the park with my daughters, it hit me. I need to be here for them. That 12 year old girl right there needs me in her life. She needs a woman to talk to and to learn from.

So I invited them in for pizza. And we made hair bows. And I felt blessed to be there with them. And I think they liked it too, because they came over again today as soon as they got home from school.

Thank you, Lord, for my second chance. I won't blow it this time.

What about you? What does it feel like when God speaks to you? Do you listen??


  1. Wow... chills, I have. That is so wonderful that you are going to make an impression on some girls who need it. God put them there for a reason, my friend. That is a beautiful story.. wish that happened more often around us. Good listening.:)

  2. That is so Awesome!! It would have been so easy to look the other way & you did not! Good for you, those girls will never forget you!!
    I think you hit the nail on the head, sometimes when we think God is not talking, it's just because we choose not to listen. I do a lot of that.....Asking, Waiting, OOOpppppp didn't like that answer, so he must not be speaking. I think Women especially have more difficulty with this because we want God's Will, but we want it to be Our will too ;) Obedience can be ruff!

  3. Good for you Summer. Sometimes it's hard to walk into someone else's drama. Truth be told - it can messy and upset the balance. But the rewards to them and to you will be immeasurable, I'm sure. I'm so glad you felt called and had the confidence to go for it. I hope I can be such a blessing to someone who needs it.

  4. This is a great story and real-life, too. I'm proud that you stepped into their lives. You will make a difference. You will give them some much needed attention. They will be able to interact with your kids. It's a win-win situation. God is good!

  5. WOW, he is the God of second chances and I am so glad you got yours. I am sure you will be a wonderful blessing to those girls and be able to answer God's call. Fabulous!

  6. You know, David may still be out and J have a long life ahead of you my friend. You never know--you could be like that woman in Texas who adopted that high school football player :)

  7. This is an amazing story, Summer! You ARE indeed a wrestler -- but in my opinion, wrestling with God is just one more way to converse with Him. And that's what you are doing...with amazing results! Those girls will be blessed to have you as such a positive influence in their lives.

  8. Hey Summer...Praise God for His goodness and mercy! He so good! How blessed those girls are to have you there, to recieve your love and care!

    I had a moment yesterday actually when I was watching Daystar and I cleary heard the voice of the Holy Spirit speak to heart about certain issues and tears just flowed and the next thing I knew was I was on the ground weeping and repenting, whilst He was healing and touching me! I think I might blog about it!

    It's the power and touch of God that we need to then be able to reach the needs of others ~ Amen!


  9. :) Wrestler, hm ... good comment! I too wrestle at times! yes..I have been there and done that! We are blessed to have a loving, forgiving and patient God! I look forward to following you! and I will think once or twice to pray for your relationship with your new little girls! ;)