What's Eating Me?

There's a saying that goes, "it's not what you are eating, it's what's eating you". The theory is that some people eat to avoid feeling things. At least that's my interpretation anyway. So if someone is an emotional eater, they are supposed to take certain steps to stop the negative pattern of stuffing feelings and stuffing tummy. If an emotional eater is about to embark on a no-no (plate of cookies), she should stop, ask herself what she's feeling, then deal with the feelings - and say no to the food.


I've been thinking about this lately because I recognize that on some level, I am an emotional eater. I'm also an emotional exerciser, so I maintain a fairly normal weight, thankfully. And although I have never eaten a whole tub of ice cream, or stuffed an entire loaf of bread down my throat, I do have tendencies. If I'm feeling agitated and there is a granola bar (or four) in my path, it's likely it is being consumed. Hence the sugar free thing*





But what if an emotional eater doesn't know what is bugging her? Or what if she does, but she doesn't know how to fix it? What then? I've been stumped by both of these questions at one time or another just this week. There have been times that I feel revved up and want to inhale something - but when I analyse my "feelings", I feel just fine. I'm not sad, angry, disappointed, etc. I feel just feel fine, thanks.

Then there are other times, like right now, where I know what I'm feeling but I don't know what to do about the feelings. So I'm writing a blog.


Here's what's eating me...


1. I am miffed that my daughter got mad at me for not wanting to play school - after I had just spent 45 minutes being her "art student" even though I was super tired. I thought I should be seen as a good mom, since I was so fun and patient, but I ended up being viewed as a bad mom. this bugs me.


2. My daughter asked me why I have lines on my face. Wouldn't bother me so much if I hadn't been noticing the same thing lately myself.


3. I am hurt that my daughters both want my husband to put them to bed every night. It wouldn't be so bad if he just did it and I could get a break. But we each put one kid to bed every night, which means that almost every night one or the other kid is crying and whining because she has to have mommy.


4. My husband has a cold, which means he doesn't feel like eating and he goes to bed as soon as the kids are in bed. It just feels weird, and a little lonely.


So that's what's eating me. And because I can't really expect validation from a 5 yr old, and I can't be mad at my husband for being sick, I am writing a blog.


* and here is where I fess up about my slip tonight. What prompted me to write all this? Maybe the FOUR granola bars I pounded down while making my kids lunches. I have been pretty good about the whole no-sugar thing. But I bought a pack of granola bars for the kids lunches. Why?! I don't know. I guess I thought I could be trusted. But after my emotional charge through four wrappers, I realized there was something else going on. So I'm blogging. And I must admit, I feel better (even though I have a bit of a tummy ache!).

Lifestyle Changes and the Battle of The Bulge

I've been thinking about something lately. It's common knowledge that in order to lose weight the healthy way and keep it off, I need a lifestyle change. Small "choices" throughout my day can add up to a big change in the long run. Skip a muffin to lose the muffin.

But isn't the opposite also true? It's also the small lifestyle changes that cause me to gain weight. It's not one overindulgent meal or one missed workout. It's a change in lifestyle. It's going from drinking a decaf tea after the kids are in bed to eating a snack instead. Or no longer walking to the store after selling my BOB. Those seemingly innocent "choices" that I make aren't so innocent after they become a habit.

How do I know this? You know the answer. But it's more than just adding a few pounds to my figure this past year. I've been making lifestyle changes with regard to food my whole life. Some of them good and some of them bad. Consequently, my weight has gone up and down.

I am told that from birth to about first grade I was thin.

Then my mom went back to work and I started going to a friends house after school. Every day (EVERY DAY PEOPLE) her mom would sit us in front of the TV with a ham sandwich and a can of pringles.

Let's do the math...

This...

Plus (+) this

Equals (=) this...

WOW! I can't believe I just posted this picture. It's official. I'm an open book. P.S. Couldn't my mom have helped me find a more flattering bathing suit?

I figured out the pringles connection years ago. But this week I realized that was a lifestyle change.

After my parents divorced, mom moved with my brother and me to Huntington Beach. I joined flag team (laugh if you will - it was GREAT!) and moved my body. And said goodbye to pringles forever. Without knowing it, my lifestyle changed. Without trying, I slimmed down. Not skinny, just less chubby.

The battle with the bulge continued from then until now. I'd pick up running and lose weight. Develop a taste for wine and cheese and bulk up. Discover Stroller Strides and slim down. Start school, stress eat and gain a few pounds. Give up diet coke and put on a few more...

Let's do some math again.

this

is greater than (more calories) than

Gosh, this is getting long. Sorry. This is probably so boring for those of you who don't have weight issues. But then again, you probably have already closed out of this and gone to another blog that is filled with happy crafts and skinny jeans.

Okay so I'll get to my point. This realization, that small lifestyle changes can cause me to gain or lose weight is HUGE. It is liberating!

Instead of just jumping back into my never ending cycle and getting my diet back on, I am first figuring out where I got off track. I am evaluating my current eating habits and see what unhealthy habits have sneaked in. The good news is I see them. I see little habits that I've started without thinking. And this alone, without tracking points or measuring my breakfast cereal, has helped me get back on track. I am being mindful of my lifestyle. Regardless of what the scale says, I feel like I've won a small battle with food.

My hope is that if I pay attention to my diet/exercise lifestyle and become mindful of any changes (good or bad) that my weight will level off to a place I can be happy with.

Sorry for this long post. I guess I was using this as a way to think this out. :)