It seems that when I power walk, I tend to start power thinking at the same time. Thinking with a purpose. I drafted a super long post last Wednesday too, about the mind/body/spirit connection but didn’t post it for fear it was too long.
Today I was thinking about my attitude. I have noticed a change in my mood lately and consequently, the way I treat others (and by others I actually mean my family). I have been impatient, quick to anger, negative, unkind and just plain not fun to be around. I’m sure my family has grown tired of spending time with me like this. But today I realized that I’m tired of spending time with myself too.
An attitude adjustment was in order, but I wasn’t in the mood to make it happen. Sometimes it’s hard to pep yourself up when you are feeling grouchy. Today I enlisted a little help from the man upstairs.
Normally, I breeze around the lake at a fast clip, sometimes power walking and sometimes running. There is a spot on the path, where the lake peaks out from behind the trees and the lush green foliage builds a quiet sanctuary. It never fails that at this spot, I am taken aback by the view and I think about stopping on the nearby bench to soak up. Usually I just keep on going but today I decided to do just that.
I sat and closed my eyes, listening to the birds chirp. I became aware of the breeze blowing on my face. It was there that I felt God with me. In the silence, I asked for help. In the silence, I got an answer.
In a knowing sort of way, I understood what was going on and what to do to change it. What became clear to me was that I have been feeling sorry for myself too much. In the last two weeks, I have been feeling sorry for myself almost constantly (kids are sick, I’m not getting enough sleep, house is messy, husbands back is sore, no one has manners, kids are fighting… I could go on but you get the picture). I’ve been having a pity party for one. The fruits of this pity were clear: anger, negativity, unhappiness, impatience, unkindness, etc. Basically, the opposite of who I wanted to be.
Then I thought, if feeling sorry for myself is producing the opposite of what I want for myself, maybe I just need to DO the opposite of ‘feeling sorry for myself’ in order to yield opposite results. Is that confusing?
If I feel sorry for myself, it means I am not being grateful. I am not appreciating any of the blessings that I have in my life. I have so been focused on the few bad things that I have missed seeing the many good things. It’s understandable that I have been a grump!
The problem that had, only ten minutes before, felt so overwhelming and complex, suddenly felt so simple and easily rectified.
I felt so much better just knowing what needs to be done. I pulled out my blackberry and started making a list of all the things I am grateful for at this moment. It won’t surprise you to know that my list was very long. I live a blessed life. And I felt better. Way better.
And so my attitude has been adjusted. I am off to write a positive message to myself on my white board… “Don’t miss the abundance of good things by focusing on the few bad things.”
